Reflection and closure

Whether we wake or we sleep,
Whether we carol or weep,
The Sun with his Planets in chime,
Marketh the going of Time.......


As another year comes to a close i reflect upon all that has transpired this year and can cut through all of it to my favorite moment. The day Highlander came home from Iraq ...again. For grace be to God that he once again guided and protected and also in a very real way saved him and me all to bring us back to the place in which we began, and little can compare to coming full circle.
 The trip to palm springs has been refreshing and healing and relaxing and above all has been just a nice chance to get away from the daily grind. I have been giving myself permission to take it a bit easy and let go of the reins i hold so tight in day to day life. For everyone can use a rest. Its the ultimate chance to recharge and reflect and regroup. 
I truly have big plans for this coming year and am hopeful and ready for all that would come my way.
I am so grateful i was able to see my nieces and my nephew who by the way i have been praying for daily,and i saw people i haven't seen in years, and i know that the one thing that keeps resonating in my life is that we need to love deeply while we have the chance. These moments with others they do not..and they cannot last forever. We have to use the time that we have so wise and with purpose while we are in the moment, i cannot stress that enough. I am uplifted to show up somewhere and feel the love and welcoming that waits for my return based upon the memory of our past time together and the solid post which it forms and upholds and stays no matter how much time has gone by a resounding marker on my life path  that shows me the way i have come from and gives me a lighted path every time i choose to walk that way again.
I never stop longing for times when i was closer and more involved and more present but i am comforted and at peace with the monuments that love and loyalty and being true have created in my world.
I am grateful for the chance to live another year to continue my walk with purpose and my heart and mind strengthened by the words for my ear , the signs along my way and the people who come into my fold.  Humbled at the immediate examples of cheerful givers and amazing doers of this world.
I continue to be joyful and amazed at every birth of new life, and aware and reflective of all loss i am witness to.
I prepare a space in my heart to recv every task given to me and clear a path in my mind to follow it through to completion.
I do not take for granite that today i woke up with my husband next to me and my children sleeping in the next room, and the day awaiting me.
What a year. What a life. What a chance every day to get up and be me, the person God has created and feel that at least in my heart i am trying to fulfill upon the destiny that is out there for me.
I continue to praise God with everything i am and all that i do, in the knowledge that he is working for me and not against me. In the faith that whatever i am given will never be more than what HE knows i can handle, and the belief and acceptance that my life is not random and i am here for a very very important reason. I continue to pray a prayer i have been praying on for years and hope that this may be the year it is answered.
I also just want to express my true gratitude for all those who love and care for me and my family and who continue to be a light in my life and my path and who know who i really do try to be, which is just me. In all my imperfections and crazy agendas and insane daily schedule at the close of all days i hope i haven't offended anyone , that i loved someone deeply and that somewhere i made a difference.
s.o.t.d.
Then Jesus said unto them, Yet a little while is the light with you. Walk while ye have the light, lest darkness come upon you: for he that walketh in darkness knoweth not whither he goeth.John 12:35

Leave is upon us

As time goes by i find myself waking and living and going to sleep all in the span of about an hour...or so it seems. Life swells and falls in and out of itself with or without my permission.
I cant seem to sit still or stop long enough to blog. It is OK there is a time for everything and now just isn't one of them./
Leave is upon us.
We are going to our favorite place Palm Springs :). Where we always seem to have a good time and find a place that is always happy to see us.
Its so different in the winter than any other time of year there. We have several things planned for while we are out there, going to wild lights at the living desert, taking the kids to Minerva Lane which is a residential section in Cathedral City that is a few blocks worth of Xmas oooing and ahhing to say the least things like ...

and

The kids will love drinking hot chocolate and walking around to see this. It is something i look fwd too.
We are also going to catch a Tron showing, and do some baking and have some meals with friends and family.
The kids have plans for the Palm Springs street fest that happens every Thursday night.
This is the place i think we will probably retire to some day.
Highlander  has lots of ammo so they can do their shooting fun lol.
I love going on vacation with my husband...its so nice to be able to just be away , and most important be together.
My nephew was born and he is adorable!
I go see the surgeon on Friday about my hernia.
And i still don't know why but i am very very tired.
I have been dealing with strep and sick kids and dental shenanigans and lots of other hoopla that wont get any more space than this.
I wish i had about 40 hours in every day .
But i don't .
Probably for the best cause i would use them all.
Oh yes and last thought
Any decision based on desperation, is a bad one...usually.
You cannot "make" something be. It either is or is not. And no amount of time will change that.


~ You cannot go on 'explaining away' for ever: you will find that you have explained explanation itself away. You cannot go on 'seeing through' things for ever. The whole point of seeing through something is to see something through it. ~

 C.S. Lewis

S.O.T.D.

He will not let your foot slip—He who watches over you will not slumber. Psalm121:3

It will keep you awake at night.....

---

[last lines]
Eli: Dear Lord, thank you for giving me the strength and the conviction to complete the task you entrusted to me. Thank you for guiding me straight and true through the many obstacles in my path. And for keeping me resolute when all around seemed lost. Thank you for your protection and your many signs along the way.

-Book of Eli

I have been consumed with several things at once , my 545 project , the foster kids we "adopted" to buy Xmas clothes and shoes for and these things sustain me and tear me apart all at once.

Emotionally i am uplifted and deflated with a synchronicity that floors me. The amount of need i see overwhelms me.I wish i had a magic pill that could fix each and every need.....

And i wish......so many many things.

I have had a emotionally overwhelming past few days.

It would be easier if i could turn off my heart.

Cause i cant save everybody but i want to.

But God you know he directs our path and once you KNOW this , it becomes difficult to walk away from where he leads you too.

These things keep me awake at night

I just want to be good

S.O.T.D.
To everything there is a season, and a time for every matter or purpose under heaven.Ecclesiastes 3: 1

Good intentions...

Books to the ceiling Books to the sky My piles of books are a mile high

Good intentions....yes intentions to blog, intentions to clean my desk, intentions to create my brilliant Christmas cards that i was going to make snowmen out of white buttons and draw black hats on top, oh yes i was going to go all out straight up Martha fricken stewart...but alas its probably not to be i ordered photo cards as well just in case my good intentions don't pan out...and they never do you know.
Oh its been a whirlwind, kids sick, Thanksgiving holiday, Black Friday overkill, my hernia has popped out from me coughing so much and i am in quite a bit of pain, sucking that right up like its strawberry lemonade...mmmm tastes good (not). Sigh.
Been just a little on the crazy side here and i guess well that is my life ..always ...still.....
Oh and by the way it always disturbs me when i go into thrift stores and i head to the book section as i usually do and find books that have inscriptions. How could somebody give away a copy of The Little Engine that could  with a inscription on the front cover that says To My favorite nephew Merry Xmas Love Aunt Jean! I feel compelled right then and there to buy said book, and take it home, i feel these little stabs in my heart that Aunt Jean bought that book with good intentions....totally random thought but yes i had to get that off my suppressed chest. SO many things that zoom around in my mad little mind not enough hours in my day to blog them all. Burning this candle at both ends 24/7. Well ....both ends has its advantages i swear!
At least i can always see where I'm going and where iv been .
Listen to that wind blowing its screaming your almost past your imaginary bedtime...or maybe it said your lasting just fine.
Oh wait ! One more thing i keep dreaming about being in church with people having conversations sitting in this same pew , no clue what church it is or what I'm telling anyone but i have had it about 5 times now. In between my bouts of wicked insomnia and coma moments i am dreaming that dream.
What does it mean?
And last praise in the storm really works you ll just have to trust me on that one :)
S.O.T.D.
In a dream, in a vision of the night, when deep sleep falleth upon men, in slumberings upon the bed,Then he openeth the ears of men, and sealeth their instruction.

(Job 33:15)

The thanksgiving pineapple

Well i haven't been blogging but its just been to crazy. I was laid out by some mysterious illness that came out of no where! I mean i was fevering chills body aches i felt dizzy my kidneys were hurting. It was terrible! Plus as usual my husband was in the field all last week came in for a day and a half and then off he went again until late wed :(. I swear that man cant catch a break. Its just wearing on the family, and it makes it hard to really plan or do anything of substance because between the kids school schedules and Highlanders work schedule and all the other "stuff"  its a miracle we sandwich it all in somehow....
But anyways i am up and and sort of at em albeit in a 50 % mode which i suppose is better than nothing :).
Got the rest of my thanksgiving stuff accomplished, i have 1 more turkey to give away to someone today and then in the quiet hours tonight i "hope" to plan my black Friday madness route. I am unsure how this year will go but i hope at least it will be worth my lack of sleep lol.
Let us all remember to be so ever thankful for all we have, AND all we don't. You know sometimes NOT getting what we want is a blessing in itself. We just never figure that out until waaaaay later down the road hehe.
As time carries on and i wake and sleep and dream again in and out of days i try and wrap myself up in comfort of where i am at this moment, that no moment is better than the one we are in right now , no day more important than today and know that it is so important to value what we have before us...i am fond of looking at my husband and telling him our children will never be this age again , this tall again, this cuddly again, this __ you fill in the blank. Only by saying that and knowing its worth can i truly understand why today is a gift.
There are many days i feel like the stump in the book the giving tree and i waver between hope and burn out and then some star drops right out of the sky into my heart and i am all ablaze again ready to light up the world. I like to wake up on days like that. Sure i have my moments in the abyss. But even when I'm out there just floating i am looking up thinking and ill be up again , yes i will.
I fluctuate and expand and contrast in accordance with all things that flow through my life, and the Lord sees my heart , and he hears my prayers, and what moves me , and when i have these God Wink moments i like to share..... .
For this time last year was a time that i already spoke of in my last post , but also was a time i got to reunite with a long lost friend, and he has been on my mind so much as of late and as i kept thinking about what a good time i had having him here last year visiting in from Hawaii and how sad it kind of feels he wont be here this year , i am reminded in a flash at the almighty power God has and how we cannot hide anything from him. And my doorbell rings and its my neighbor and he is leaving out of town for the holidays and wants us to watch his house and as he gives me his garage door opener he also says here we wont eat this pineapple its very fresh still so i hope you maybe like pineapple at thanksgiving lol.

 I take it and close the door and am wordless for in my heart i  hear the Lord tell me to not be sad my friend cannot be here again this year but to rejoice at what a wonderful memory i have of such a wonderful holiday time and wonderful friend and that yes again this year there will be pineapple to enjoy.
Rejoice. And the tree was happy.....

s.o.t.d.
“For the LORD searches every heart and understands every motive behind the thoughts” (1 Chronicles 28:9)

Thankful reflections

 I get so caught up in everything time slips by...looking fwd to Highlander coming home soon and another busy weekend yard sale mania yeah!
I cant believe thanksgiving is almost here, as i reflect with thankfulness. this time last year my husband was home on his 2 week R&R , from Iraq, i was having such a hard time and i was glad to find a refreshing when he came home. I didn't marry him to be apart and yet......well you know story of my life.
I reflect at this time of year how lucky i am and how grateful i am to have such a loving spouse and 4 beautiful kids that drive me all sorts of crazy but in the best way... my 5 year old The Pillow made the A+ honor roll and both older kids made A B honor roll , it is far from easy to produce these kinds of results and truthfully i thank my lucky stars that MOST of the time i am vigilant about education reading and character so in moments when i slack off we are still afloat.....hard work really does pay off .
You ever wonder if sometimes God doesn't give us something because we want it, we ask for it, but yet we do nothing in preparation to recv it. I think its almost like an exchange , he wants something in return, sometimes its change , prayer, sometimes its acknowledgement, sometimes its repentance, he wants us to be BETTER  for the blessing. For a blessing is something that is above what we can either do or better than what we expected..
You know i have to admit as i read my bible the other night i came upon the passage in Mark that speaks of a widow who came to the treasury ..see here Mark 12 :42

41 And He sat down opposite the treasury, and beganobserving how the people were putting money into the treasury; and many rich people were putting in large sums.42 A poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which amount to a cent. 43 Calling His disciples to Him, He said to them, “Truly I say to you, this poor widow put in more than all the contributors to the treasury; 44 for they all put in out of their surplus, but she, out of her poverty, put in all she owned, all she had to live on.”

And i started to cry at how generous she was, and i started to ponder on how Jesus speaks about how the rich had given alot but they only gave out of their surplus , they could have gave more but they contributed only what they had to. I have to say that example of giving all she had , when she really had none  is so powerful because she understood it would be replenished unto her tenfold. I was very thankful for that example in such a time as this harvest season, and as i reflected on my husbands leave this time last year , i was emotionally bankrupt and i had maybe about 2 cents worth of hope left in me. But when he got here the Lord instructed me to put it all in...and i did. He wanted me to give ...even though 'I' thought i had given enough...and it was the the turning of the tide, by obedience, by love, by trust it began a healing process that allowed me to make it through the last few months until he came home. And i know in my heart because i did that, because i was willing to give my all , God blessed me with putting my husband on that first flight home. The last time he was gone he was on the last flight, and i mean THE last flight , but this time i think the Lord new things were not well. Too much time apart. It takes its toll. And now....the quest ahead of us looms and as of late uncertain things have revealed themselves. It hinges on a pinpoint, and could fall left or right. I wish we knew more and as kooky as it may seem, i prayed that God would have the war in Iraq REALLY end and that there would be no more deployments to that land. And in my heart i believed HE could make it so, and i shared it not with anyone because i already knew they were scheduled to deploy this year...and i kept praying it. And maybe he heard me. And even if they still go ..i have a odd feeling it wont last , wont be for a year, i hesitate to say this but a unusual calm has come over me about it. Even my husband noticed it and asked why i seemed so at peace, was it because i was so used to it? No , its because i have to believe there IS  a plan and whatever it is , its a good one. I HAVE to believe that. I am learning there IS a connection to what you pray in your heart vs what you just pray with your mouth.
So ...
S.O.T.D.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
 Romans 8:28
I love that..."and we know" . Listen to that certainty. There is power in that! , It does not waver it doesn't say we think or hopefully, it says "and we know" ,  and i KNOW my husband was called to be a soldier and is fulfilling his purpose.
So God IS working in all of this no matter where the road leads....

Le Depart (The Departure)

Things run their course. Its the part of life that continues to ground me.
There is a tendency to want to hang on....you know because it is against human nature to let go, but in a way its also all i know of this life.
The departure i call it for lack of a better term or way to express it.
Sometimes we have to say goodbye , sometimes we have to leave , because it IS the way it was written for us .
The crazy thing that always gets me is the memory of something that at one point brought such joy is now the center of that which causes the dull ache of letting go...
And as far as i have seen all of life is this way , the ebb and flow of things that continue to move into and out of our life, and i really don't recall when it was that i became so used to it (that's a lie but a story for some other day)
But if only more people understand how to live in full hue, to not take things that they have for granite, to not let moments pass them by...
maybe i put so much into the moments i have , that its easier to let go because i am fulfilled in the knowledge that i did all i could when i could.
And maybe all we can do is hope to end up with the right feelings of sadness or regret about the things we leave behind....
I like to think that everything we have ever lived ,ever held ,ever loved, is forever inside of us making us a better version of who were yesterday, because we are richer for the experience , grateful for the chance and wiser for the knowledge we gained ...
Its the only way i can depart and still be whole, not be parted out to all that would take a piece of me if i let it.
Even in scripture we see departure
“Nevertheless I tell you the truth; It is expedient for you that I go away: for if I go not away, the Comforter will not come unto you; but if I depart, I will send him unto you” (John 16:7).
I find such a moving statement in that scripture departure is a must but we are not without the promise that we will recd a comforter in this .
and i continue with the s.o.t.d which reminds me to continue to think upon the good things the worthy things the things that we have learned....and in all things even in departure to give praise to God who planned all the days of our life, both happy and sad beginning and the end....For God IS good and his love endures forever and it is THAT thought that continues to uphold me and bring me peace even in times of melancholy.
Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say, Rejoice. Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand. Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Those things, which you have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you. Philippians 4:4-9

That 4 leaf clover

I just haven't been feeling up to par this week.
But it has been a good week, my love has been home with me which i love because he just makes my life easier in so so many ways, and yesterday i went downtown shopping with a group of ladies. That was a nice break for me. Today was spent cleaning sorting and organizing. My wonderful husband cleaned out my crazy van. I got to practice reading with the pillow who is starting to really "get:" it.....  when a small child learns to read and hits that moment where everything makes sense its like finding a 4 leaf clover! How lucky it is to be able to watch it unfold and blossom.
Had to deal with my son Herb who thought it would be a keen idea while spending the night at his buddy's house to break a glass bottle outside and not pick it up, for no good reason either. Needless to say my husband drove him over and he picked it up, did lots of lovely chores missed out on a movie and is grounded. He said he always sees people break them in movies and just wanted to try it. I am like what?? Weirdo. Teen boy for ya :)
At least he hasn't tried to light anything on fire , sneak out , or do anything else too crazy ...yet :)
My husband has to go to the field again all week, boo to that.
Not too much else going on just haven't really had much to expound upon past week. But i am looking fwd to church in the morning , i have a few people i really hope to pray and uplift and i always feel just slightly more connected when i am in the Almighty's house.
I am getting a migraine so i really must go.
s.o.t.d
.Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.
(Proverbs 22:6 ESV)

Dont be torn apart

Because people love to tear others apart... A good read and true.


Happy people want other people to be happy. Unhappy people cannot stand happy people, so they do what they can to make them unhappy.  Most do this unconsciously but there are some who intentionally want to hurt another. Basically, we inflict on people what we feel about ourselves and life. It is that simple. 

So when someone tries to bring me down, I try to see why are they doing that to me. Please know that there is such a thing as constructive criticism and usually it is obvious when criticism is constructive because of what is being said and how it is being said. However, when someone is just being cruel for cruelty’s sake, it is wise to try not to let it affect you. See it for what it is -  the person is so unhappy, they want you to join in their misery. 

There may be a desire to argue or try to correct the other person who is being unkind but that rarely accomplishes anything. It only leads to more drama which is exactly what the ego of the other person craves. The ego thrives on drama. The more drama the better…according to the ego. So the best thing you can do in such a situation is to not take it personally. You can overcome the insults by simply not being insulted. Silence is a powerful form of communication and sometimes when someone is cruel, silence enables their insult to bounce back to them more quickly. You know how a mischievous little child tries to get some one’s attention by doing all kinds of funny things…if you don’t give it any attention, it will soon find someone else to bother. 

I do realize that all of this is easier said than done. I still sometimes get upset when someone else tries to bring me down. No one is perfect. However, my recovery time (meaning the time it takes for me to get over the insult) is much faster than it used to be. 

Just try to always remember that what we see in others, is a reflection of what we feel about ourselves. Anytime you judge another, you are judging yourself. So the next time someone tries to bring you down, realize that what they are saying has nothing to do with you. 



s.o.t.d.
Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and let not your heart be glad when he stumbles,

Proverbs 24:17

my scalp is on fire....no really

First off since my last post i have had VERY and i mean VERY little sleep :( i am cranky , and my husband is on the field again, one kid is semi not feeling well and my scalp is on fire and feels sooooo itchy. I have a condition called alopecia. It causes my scalp to tingle and burn and then it gets itchy and then it begins...i will get a big circle on my scalp where my hair just falls out. It sucks so bad and takes a REALLY long time to grow back, in which i mostly wear bandanna's to cover it up :(. The last one i had was pretty big about the size of a 50 cent piece directly at the part on my scalp which seems to be wear they like to start. The thing scaring me is this time i feel ALOT of tingling all up and down my part. And i am so so so tired that i feel like im about to fall out so i apologise for the slow entry and short status here but i have to go lay down . Somebody pray for me that this doesn't turn into a episode. Sometimes when i am stressed it flares up but doesnt go full blown so i need to try and rest.
s.o.t.d.
Psalms 30:2 
 O LORD my God, I cried out to You, And You healed me.

THE INSOMNIA TRAIN .......ALL ABOARD!

William Wallace: Aye, fight and you may die, run, and you'll live...at least a while. And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willin' to trade all of that from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance......... (Braveheart)

After a ridiculously long day of being an unpaid taxi cab driver i finally fell asleep. Only to be woken up by my husband grumbling because of his nose (he has a deviated septum he needs fixed) dogs wanting to go potty and a small child who was being the worst kind of bed hog, he wants ..me out, his dad to be right next to him and he wants to utilize only a fraction of bed space , its a tough call with our boo, he usually sleeps in his toddler bed for most of the night which is actually in our room, but he somehow always ends up in ours. I don't usually care , and because he is autistic and used to wake up in the middle of the night and "wander" i being the paranoid freak parent that i am couldn't sleep when he wasn't in our room. I would wake up countless times scared about where was he? I used to find him on my couch , on the floor, once i was almost ready to collapse with fear cause at midnight i woke went to check on him and he was no place to be found. Till my older kids heard me freaking out and said wait he is upstairs in bed with Season! So people suggested i put up a baby gate, yeah that only works on NON spartan children who cannot push it down in a single blow. He has incredible strength and TRULY is his fathers son when it comes to being just naturally strong. A blessing I'm sure when he is a grown man but a nightmare when he is 3 and can make grown adults break a sweat when he decides to put on one of his awesome displays of power. Needless to say he is in our room in his own little bed and it works for us for now......
Until nights like tonight , where i look over half dazed unable to sleep from all the afore mentioned things and i start eying that toddler bed :) and for a second i contemplate climbing in pulling up the Disney Cars comforter , let my feet stick out and start sawing logs. HEY i am short so its not too far fetched , i mean i MIGHT fit if i scrunched up really good :). But then i come too and decide to lay out on the couch, which you know initially works but then i hear people breathing, and the hamster going in his damn wheel to no where and the dryer turning and then my mind is up. Its dangerous business waking up my mind, cause it never EVER shuts up once switched to the on position. Its never fully off, it goes into pause mode like my coffee pot every night, waiting for someone to press play come the break o DAWN :).
So here i am wide awake at 1 am which would normally be 2 but since we fell back you know its a fake 1 am...drinking herbal orange tea and writing this ridiculous blog about random sleep shenanigans and hijacking toddler beds.
My life is not a joke, people seriously have NO clue what it entails and what it is i DO all day everyday. It never , ever , stops. My husband has expressed to me that he worries about me cause i never rest, and apparently i can add never sleep to that list as well :). He wants me to SIT DOWN. He claims i make him feel eternally guilty because i wont ever watch TV, i don't take naps and i cant just sit still. hmm what the heck is my problem anyways ?
I guess ill sleep when I'm dead , and we ARE a long time dead , so gotta make the most of NOW.
I just don't want to get to the end, whenever that may be , and feel like i wasted what days i had. I know all days are not perfect but every day is worth it. Because there is something good in every day, God wouldn't have it any other way.
I am an easily amused person. You have NO idea how true that statement is. Anything sparkly, checking the mail, scratch off lottery tickets (where for about 1 second i COULD BE an almost millionaire hehe), the mountains with the sun peeking out behind them, the way it feels that first  seconds i roll down my window and the fresh air hits me, the small skip of a beat that happens every time my husband comes home and smiles at me, the feel of my dogs  soft squishy ears as i pet him, the smile i get every time i walk into my chaotic bedroom and see a stack of no less than 7 books i am either reading all at once or aspire to read :)
Yes
Easily amused.
It has its advantages.
Someday when i am old and i do slow down , i will have hopefully lived such a full life , i will be able to sustain my mind with many amusing and lovely memories of a life well lived.
I have no more energy than the average insane military mom of 4 kids 2 dogs and 1 hamster. I am just better than most of slave driving and kicking my own butt!
I give all my praise to the Lord for he has bestowed upon me a will that i know in my heart makes me unique, a heart that can infinitely love because i am loved, and a mind that is STRAC and a promise that tells me its all for a reason.
None of this probably makes any sense and i will most likely look at it in the morning with a critical but AMUSED eye :)
Goodnight for the second time tonight.
Oh and the songbird song is one that always reminds me of Highlander.
S.O.T.D.
 saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

songbird - christine mcvie including lyrics

Don't drown just grab on

A nice blend of prediction and surprise seem to be at the heart of the best art.

Make no mistake being married to the Army IS an art...and i was thrown for a loop tonight with some news? Rumor? Hmm. Not sure what to make of it yet for the final outcome is still a long time coming.
Have been literally so busy i am exhausted. Took my daughter to a Turkish cooking class tonight that was pretty cool, came home bathed everybody kissed em goodnight and moved on to greener pastures with my lovebird :) and now there is still a wee bit of life left in me to squeeze out this pathetic blog entry.lol.
My brain is kinda on overload the last couple of days. Oh yes i forgot to mention...wait for it...Highlander and i had a sort of fight the other night. But I'm a tough ol bird :) and so it annoys the hell out of my husband when we do fight cause well, umm, im right you know:). The real problem is nobody ever tells him no, nobody ever says your wrong and nobody would want to piss him off on purpose. Therefor it just busts all the gears in his brain when he and I get into it cause i am not afraid to tell him where to go. After some huffing and puffing and blowing the house down though he usually recovers his senses rather quickly and makes up right :)
I love my husband. I really really do. He got stuck at some lame leaders course thing where he had to drive a pov and it was across town and he even had to buy a overpriced 10.00 sandwich while everybody else got the day off. Oh the joys of being chosen.
I don't care really i mean what can i do, in younger years i would get so upset but now i just know to make the most of the time we have together and never mind the rest cause to this day, i haven't figured out a way to fight the army, well at least fight and win :)
I don't know its an insane roller coaster i am strapped to and it never ever lets me off...that's kinda the problem with life in general. Once you get going the going goes with or without your permission.
We just have to pray for clarity and peace and know that all these days , good bad stressful and everything in between ARE the days written for us. And with any luck maybe we live to see another day..
God is good but if you want to have him reveal to you all the cards in your deck, i think you have to play by his rules. They really are not suggestions.
Been snagging Xmas gifts left and right. Dreaming of my nephew who will be born sometime this month and just sending out praise in every direction i can, for so many many blessings he bestows to my life and the lives of those around me.
Our God saves!
So if your drowning OR in stormy seas here is your life ring grab it and hold onto it and never let this thought go may it uphold you in all the dark places this world makes us walk.

GOODNIGHT.
S.O.T.D.Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. 
2 Corinthians 5:17-21 .

Hanging with my lovebird,xmas loot, and joyful noises

So yesterday started great took all the kids to school, Highlander had the day off , so i came home and said i was going to change and head over to Toys R Us while it was early and since he could keep The Rock. I had MAJOR coupons deals and free items to make good on while i was there..they hate me at Toys R Us they really do hehe...they just look at me like are you kidding me? I had preordered TS3 plus i had 8 dollar off coupons , they were giving out $10.00 gift cards for every $40.00 worth of Disney movies purchased so i got TS3 and the new Perry Xmas dvd from Phineas and ferb, plus with every $30.00 worth of TS3 merchandise you got a wall clock and a popcorn tin which i did twice over PLUS i needed a window shade for the car to block out the sun from The Rocks face and i had a 20 % off any baby item coupon. Needless to say the cashier (who was in training btw) just stared at me along with her manager and I'm pretty sure they wanted to knock me out. I was just glad i got a great manager who knew what she was doing, normally i have to do a verbal smack down on them and lay it out line by line because they cant believe how much my total comes out to for what i got :)
 So from there i had a few more errands and then i hit a Goodwill for about 20 minutes before needing to take The Rock to school, i grabbed Herb 2 shirts, myself a sweater and a dress as well as a puzzle and a few other small items...
I came home and Highlander and I dropped off the Rock at school and headed out to lunch at the px food court, so amazing how many cool restaurants like buffalo wild wings smashburger arbys Einstein bagel co and all the other amazing new stores that are opening , its like a mallplex in the civilan world but on post. Its the first of its kind army wide and it ROCKS. This weekend the mega movie cineplex opens and we walked around and could believe what an amazing blessing it is to have this on post! Highlander already has plans for dinner and a date once the movie hubbub dies down a bit :)
Then we hit the px and walked around looking at furniture and TVs etc and we held arms and talked ..just so relaxing to not hear MOM or DAD every 2 seconds even if its just for a lil while.
I love spending time with my love he spoils me rotten and i heart him for that :)
So then we came home and finished up a few things and before you know it its time for the afternoon onslaught of pickups etc...then Herb went to the skate park and I worked on finishing up a Xmas centerpiece i have been working on which my husband actually noticed lol and said it looked really cool. It better cause it friggen took me forever to finish!
Finally after a quick dinner he and Herb went out for some male bonding to the movies and the rest of the kids settled in to watch TS3 and i worked on posting some deals to my deal sites and answering emails and worked on Rock Candy Mama...
Finally after they came home and we did a quick sweep of the house and laundry switch overs etc it was time for bed and prayers and we talked about how time flies when your having fun....then fade to black it was only to be woke at 4 am by a kid a dog and a chill in the air and in that order. So i have been up since then on my daily rampage and getting ready to go run 4 errands and then the cycle i already described will go on repeat.
I am so thankful and grateful to the Almighty for his great favour and blessing he constantly pours out onto my life. HOW can i keep from singing? :)
Bluebird of happiness
signing off
(for now)
s.o.t.d.
Make a joyful noise unto the LORD Psalm 100:1

Its all about love....again :)

I want you to get swept away out there. I want you to levitate. I want you to sing with rapture and dance like a dirvish...Yeah be deliriously happy or at least leave yourself open to be. I know it's a cornball thing, but love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. I say, fall head over heels, find someone you can love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. How do you find him? Well, you forget your head and you listen to your heart. The truth is, there's no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love, well, you haven't lived a life at all. But you have to try, because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived.

He is back! I am so thankful that my love is finally home, i missed him so much :). He missed out on trick or treating cause his flight came in so late and by the time he called we were almost done. But that's ok had a wonderful night after we got home..all the kids went out pretty quick they were exhausted from walking block after block in pursuit of candy! The rest was well........bliss......

 Had SUCH a busy last few days the onslaught of Halloween and Highlander coming home, then today we went and did some Sam's club stock up, stopped by toys r us to do The Rocks train table for Xmas and then came the daily afternoon onslaught of pickups etc. Made a nice shrimp scampi dinner with an amazing chocolate drizzle cake for Daddy's belated bday :)cake...

 Excited that its finally November, and all the joys that this month and the next bring me. I am truly happy at holiday time. I was reminded by Herb that i PROMISED last year that this year i would take him black Friday shopping so it looks like the fun bus will roll out day after thanksgiving I'm thinking of offering up rides to anybody who wants to come with, i could make some hot chocolate, make breakfast burritos and have a day of it. My son really wants to do it so i guess its on. Last year being the first year i haven't gone.

 I do want to say that i am so thankful for my life. I truly feel blessed beyond measure. Even on the craziest of days i know i am lucky. I get up most days with a sparkle in my eye and a hope in my heart to see where the day leads me. I feel so spoiled to be able to get up and drink coffee and browse my deals drop off my beautiful kids at school and do ANYTHING I WANT with the rest of my time, that is (if i wanted to hehe) good thing i am responsible :)i do most days work first and fun later but i find the smallest things fun so maybe my idea of fun would not match most peoples. I mean i still think checking the mail is fun..its like Xmas every day because of all my free samples i get :) and my cool free magazines..

I think people spend an awful lot of time stuck. I mean really stuck. In a bad habit , a bad rut , hell sometimes even a bad life. And why? There just simply isn't enough days to be unhappy. When one is happy i think it radiates into every crevice of ones life. I mean we all have bad days and  bad moments but if you find yourself waking up without a song in your heart..... your in the wrong band. I mean that cause i have been there and got the shirt.

Do something that makes you feel alive. I know for me its loving others. I am alive when i love. Love love and more love. Thank you Jesus for your love endures forever...and braced by the ultimate love of all how can i do anything but attract more love. I want my life my testament to radiate the happiness that i have found, to be a steward of the good word through love. Its a purposeful life my friends. YOU are not here by chance by accident but by purpose. You are meant for someone , something and somewhere in this world.

I think God likes to show us when we think we know it all, that there is so much more out there, we are fools, he has told us there are great and wondrous things and yet we stop ourselves short. We like to lean on our own understandings and it gets in the way of the wonder. Let it go and see if the blessing that is poured out to you doesn't carry you faster and farther than you ever thought possible. All things are possible if we would but believe..

I am off now , to go drift off next to the love of my life. My heart still skips a beat.

s.o.t.d.

Call to me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you know not!

  

Be Thankful

Be Stable - Joyce Meyer part 1 of 3

Lemonade in shark infested waters....

Its Friday and i am seriously glad! Today was so busy with all the kids needing to wear their costumes to school, The Pillow needed a treat for the whole class, The Rock fought tooth and nail because well he hates costumes....but he did finally wear at least the costume part, he ditched the hat and the eye patch and its ok at least he actually wore it. He saw no point though. :)

Have another crazy weekend to do with Halloween and my love coming home a party to attend church and a slew of other things that just HAVE to get done! It never ends i tell ya!

So i used to quote Dr Laura and say when its true love your "love" would swim through shark infested waters to bring you a glass of lemonade. I have been addicted to lemonade for the past few months no clue why....but i digress yes back to true love...so the point being that there should be almost nothing that you WOULDNT do if your true love needed it.
I am so annoyed with the army right now because they have ROYALLY scewed up on something yet again and it is going to take Highlander getting all up into somebody's face to figure out how to fix it. I shudder where i sit for whoever THAT person is cause i am not amused and he is PISSED. The funny thing about him is that people are always scared of him but really he is a very nice man, he rarely ever raises his voice or gets mad at others unlike me (hehe) but its cause he is so quiet that he brings the fear...so when he does flip his scrip people pretty much almost pee themselves cause umm yeah when he does yell it blows right through your soul. Its crazy. Anyhow my totally digressed point at this point is that i was pretty upset and he wasted no time in TCB. He really would do anything for me in the name of love. I KNOW this cause this last deployment when we were both pushed to the brink i had to hard line some things to him , you know tough love and he could of responded 2 ways , one could of been nothing and the other was everything. you guessed it he gave it 1000 percent effort. It makes all the difference. The response. I am a pretty extreme personality...i know this so does he, and honestly i have no friggen clue how the man lives with me or my nutty ways lol. But what i think we have that is vital is we know what the other needs and we understand how to apply that in a paste :). But none of it works without true love. Cause when its half love its half effort. When its kinda love its kinda response.
Marriage is not easy. Truthfully i hate how much we are apart, i feel like i spend the majority of my life being away from him. But the time we are together is THAT good . Without it being 1000 % amazing while we are together it could not sustain me while he is gone.
Its been said to love while you can cause you never know how long you've got. In this way of life that saying holds so much truth it almost hurts. None of us knows where our lives lead, and none of us loves as much as we should.
I have been taking some serious time to pray about my shortcomings (of which i have many) and asking the Lord to strengthen me in those areas of my life, while i am at "rest" and not at "stress" i need to patch holes, build up strength, workout hard both mentally and physically, cause i know what hunts me. .....
Its a black hole of despair that can swallow you up if you let it, i was never sucked in all the way but man did i come close. And now as i mull it over in my mind that i am heading into what will become our third deployment sometime this summer i feel like George Foreman the boxer..who at the age of 45, he knocked out Michael Moorer, age 26, to reclaim the title he held 20 years earlier. I am getting old but i have to stay as fit as i can because make no mistake its a fight just to keep sane and calm about it all. My poor kid will have had her dad gone half her life by the time she turns 6. It really sucks.
I asked him if he could do it over would he...join the army and the whole nine yards....all he said is "well its what i do."
I said "you know your really good at what you do" and he said "so are you"
And so there it is in a nutshell. We are precisely where we are supposed to be. And sometimes that is together ...and sometimes its apart. But are not the all the days of our lives already written? So who am i to doubt..all i need to do is just know that like George nothing is impossible. Not even surviving another grueling round of guess what is waiting in sandbox number 3!
I will survive. 
Thanks be to God who gives us our victory through our Lord Jesus Christ
s.o.t.d.
All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
 Psalm 139:16