The dance

Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance ......(Garth Brooks)

I asked my son 3 times if he wanted soup and 3 times he defiantly yells no...then i say do you want me to put ice cubes in your soup? He then yells yes and rushes to get the box of Lipton soup out of the pantry...
such is typical of my day with my son who has a high functioning form of autism called PDD-NOS. It makes for some pretty good think outside the box moments...i did not have much success with figuring out what he wants based on how i would think but i had some breakthroughs when i began scanning the world with a more critical eye, an eye for the things that may be the critical piece of the puzzle to whatever it is he may be wanting needing or crying for at the moment. Sometimes it can be as simple as a break in the track when he is playing with his trains and all i have to do is snap it back together and all is right in his world again....other times he has thrown himself to the floor crying inconsolably for something that just eludes me and he lacks the words to tell me...in those moments i feel like an incredible failure...i feel deflated and after enough time has passed either he will stop crying or i will have interested him in something else to take his mind off whatever it was he wanted to begin with.
I call it the dance.
Except only he knows all the steps, and i try and do my best to follow his lead. I have always been a quick learner and for that i am grateful, but this is above my pay grade and all i can do is pray for patience and ask God to put his hand in my life and give me guidance and wisdom to keep going...
I rely alot on intuition, i watch my sons body language for clues and i pay careful attention to what mesmerizes him. Trains, anything that involves water, video games of any kind, anything that involves a ball or anything circular in shape like bowling, bubbles,...his world is one in which he perseverates and self stimulates and constantly seeks to feel ...well...alive. For to be autistic is to literally feel disconnected from ones body and ones self. When my son is tired at night he will toe walk all over my house to keep himself awake, as that kind of walking stimulates his calf muscles and helps him "grip" the ground better he can feel more its like he is forever trying to ground himself , to feel connected...
I watch him when the wind blows...his delight is in the sensation of something touching him and making his skin feel the sensation of air swooshing by...but its something he cannot really see... not something he can grasp..so it amazes him.
In the mornings he used to throw crazy tantrums and freak out if i tried to get him dressed so that i could get the other kids to school, till his therapist pointed out to me that his body has just been lying down for many hours and in a way he needs to get his blood moving and be more awake at least sensory wise...so now i let him get up move around watch some TV , i massage his calf's , i tell him good morning while doing some deep pressure hugs and then i do not dress him until the last 15 minutes before we are to go...voila The Dance....and it has and is working , no more morning tantrum...now if only i could do the dance so well in the afternoons when its time for him to go to school..you see it is hard for him (i guess ill start calling him the pseudo name The Rock ) its hard for The Rock to transition from doing one activity to another , unless he moves himself. But if i say ok its time to go to school and he is in the middle of building a track, an entire chaotic episode unfolds until i usually have to physically take him out to my van...sigh. It can be exhausting. He has the strength of 3 kids combined. He is a big kid and has no qualms about using his size to fight hard....
Then there are the moments that he enlightens me...teaches me...and brings me to my knees in gratitude ..that he is mine and that God gave me such an amazing gift. His intelligence is without question , he is very bright, He has a gift for dancing and can imitate dances he see's almost immediately without help. He has an unbelievable arm and can throw and catch a ball like he is 8 instead of 3. He knows uncannily his alphabet capital and lower case...except when it comes to the letter B ...for you see to him a B is something that flies around in the air an insect not a letter, things are black and white for him and anything with double meaning is difficult for him to grasp...
Today we went to a corn maze and they had alot of fun activities he ran his heart out , physical activity is of the utmost importance for him, without it he would be up till midnight.
He got up on the jumping pillow and jumped and bounced to his hearts content. He would stop briefly only to eye where i was standing and once he had me in sights he would continue....
Then when he was tired and ready to go he came to me and without words , or tears or whimpers i knew he wanted his socks fixed and straightened so that there were no wrinkles, and shoes put back on Velcro strapped tight..
And in sync...without a thought our hands meet and we walk away holding hands but only for about 45 seconds usually his limit...and another round of the dance is complete.
He is the partner of a lifetime and i have never danced better than i do now...
My son improves daily and he awakens more and more as the time passes i pray for 100 % restoration which i know will come to pass , i see that it already is in its own perfect way on its own perfect path and for that i cannot say enough how truly grateful i am . Grace be to God for every little victory we recv.
So i end with my knowledge for the day...based on a totally ridiculous fear my children carry that zombies could be real...of course they are not ..right?
well not in the traditional movie sense but widely reported in places like Haiti..
Yes, says a Harvard scientist, who offers an explanation....
Read more: http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,952208,00.html#ixzz10bWdG1pR

So in a nutshell i feel reasonably correct when i tell them , no zombies arnt real , they are not coming to kill you so go to bed ! :)

Oh and P.S.
The new not their real names names

Husband--Highlander He is Scottish after all
Oldest son-Herb a play on his real name
oldest daughter -Season a play on her name
Daughter number 2-The pillow a nickname she earned well
Youngest son -The rock a play on his name and strength

goodnight all
so.t.d.
The Lord is my Light and my Salvation--whom shall I fear or dread? The Lord is the Refuge and Stronghold of my life--of whom shall I be afraid? Psalm 27: 1