Becky: Tell me what you want, as fast as it comes to you.
Gilbert: Uhh...
Becky: Okay?
Gilbert: 'Kay.
Becky: Okay. What do you want?
[He's thinking about it]
Becky: Faster!
Gilbert: Okay. I want a new thing. House. I want a new house. And a family.
[He sighs heavily]
Gilbert: I want Momma to take aerobics classes. I want Ellen to grow up. I want a new brain for Arnie. I want...
Becky: What do you want for you? Just for you?
Gilbert: I want to be a good person.
(whats eating gilbert grape)
I dont know why but when i sat down to write tonight that movie and that scene just came into my mind. No...I do know why its because i had a horrible time at the clinic this morning,,,The pillow and Herb were sick and Highlander is out in the field playing weapons ..no wait buddy weapons....and so i had no choice but to bring The Rock, long story short people like to judge when they dont know and my poor son who cant help the way he works had about all he could take of the clinic and he just went into meltdown mode. All he wanted was to leave , go buy Edward the number 2 train and come home. Thats all he wanted. Sigh.
My life... its like being underwater and looking up you can see things on the surface but they look somewhat skewed...i guess i just have got used to that distortion......and i am ok with it most days i just get caught up in some moments........
And me i just wanted everybody to quit looking at me like i was a bad mom, who has a bad kid, handling a bad meltdown....badly.
I want to be a good person too Gilbert. I want to have all the right words to calm my son down and the grace to not throttle the people who dont see there is more than meets the eye when it comes to my "brat".
I want somebody to know that all i ever want is to be good. That i would be good even if it this is as good as it gets. That i would be good in moments where i am stressed and hurt and struggling , i want to be good when people cast opinions and snicker about me and call me names. That i could be good enough to just accept what i have and keep my patience , and my composure and be good enough to bless those who would pass judgement on me without knowing my pain.
I dont want my son to be Autistic, but he is.
I am doing the best i can.
I am trying to be good.
And my son IS good.
God is good....
But like John Bender once said "the world is an imperfect place...screws just fall out all the time"
So to end...
What did i learn today ...a random fact on how the phrase as Mad as a Hatter came to be
Mercury used to be used in the making of hats. This was known to have affected the nervous systems of hatters, causing them to tremble and appear insane. A neurotoxicologist correspondent informs me that "Mercury exposure can cause aggressiveness, mood swings, and anti-social behaviour.", so that derivation is certainly plausible - although there's only that circumstantial evidence to support it.
The use of mercury compounds in 19th century hat making and the resulting effects are well-established - mercury poisoning is still known today as 'Mad Hatter's disease'. That could be enough to convince us that this is the source of the phrase. The circumstantial evidence is rather against the millinery origin though and, beyond the fact that hatters often suffered trembling fits, there's little to link hat making to the coining of 'as mad as a hatter'.
So now i know
Goodnight
s.o.t.d.
Do not judge, or you too will be judged” (Matthew 7:1)
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