The strength of the ringbearer is failing. In his heart, Frodo begins to understand..
In my heart ...i want to come here and write beautiful things. Meaningful things. They are there, inside of me. And maybe they lie in wait and all kind of moments pass by when i could write them down. But I'm to busy living them...
And that is what we strive for i think.To have moments worth remembering, worth reflecting upon. But i don't understand anymore if i truly lack the time to share it all here,or if its that i avoid it anymore...why why why
Because my heart is bursting at the seams with just about everything. And these things come to me and i understand that it is not chance. I am meant to hear them see them live them.
Its something i tell you to be blessed with open ears and arms and have those who would speak to you trust you confide in you come...come to safety. And yet the battle is NOT mine, it is Gods. I know this and i try to shuffle through the feelings i harbour that i should be able to fix things, make things better and have good advice. In these past few months its about all i can do to hear another heartbreaking thing from those i love and care for deeply. And then i reflect into my own pond, and find comfort in what i have and strength in what i have experienced and guilt for all i have been blessed with and i don't know if its a trade off you know? Pain for purpose.
I do not ever take for granite what i have. what i have been given. But i feel the pull of expectation, from that blessing.That i cannot grow tired. I cannot get old, too many people need me. That i cannot rest, there is so much work to be done. I feel like i am under Gods thumb but trying to duck because he knows me. He knows my name. He knows what he can put on my shoulders and what load i can handle down to the last ounce of weight. He watches me to see if i will do the right thing. He knows that i will not say no.
That i will carry anything , finish any task, bear any burden he sends my way. Because i cannot ever ever repay him for what he has given to me.
If i have ever deserved anything good at all in my life, i owe it to the fact that Jesus is the king of my heart, and anything i have or do i give praise to him for.
It has been the longest road of my life to stand where i do today.
I just feel like i am in need of prayer. somebody pray for me to just keep doing the right thing...which of course is not the easy thing.
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